I'm Prime Real Estate!


Surprisingly, I am not beating myself up emotionally for this break up. I am not blaming it on the size of my ass or thighs. There's no need for that. I recognize that it's not me. Whatever it is, it's not me. I am everything someone would wish for in a life partner. I am funny, charming, sexy, smart, creative and talented, loyal and devoted. I make hot dinners and I know how to bake a great dessert. I keep a clean house, I know how to fold clothes properly. Football is my favorite sport and I actually know more about it than most men. Who wouldn't want me? I am prime real estate!

Knowing all of those things still doesn't take away the sting in my heart, though. As strong as I am, as much logic as I have put in this, as much as I have let this all go and let him go, my heart doesn't understand. My heart still loves him, still believes in him, still respects him, still wants to take care of him. I had already committed to this life of taking care of him, of loving him, of sharing everything with him and it's hard to just turn off.

When I am surrounded by these relationships that seem to exist even dysfunctionally, and something that we had was so much stronger, then how did we fail? I know the answer is because my half was full of love and his filled with fear.

I wonder in these weeks apart if he has been able to step back from everything and breathe. If he believes this is really what is right for us, or if he can finally talk to me. I will give him a few more weeks to figure it out before I need to really close the door to my heart. Right now, I continue to fill it with self-love.